May 2012
1 post
April 2012
1 post
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Bumper Stickers for Crazy People →
March 2012
4 posts
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A Statement From The Leprechaun Liberation Army →
It’s that time of the year again. It’s time to break out your old shamrock-shaped glasses and your great-grandpa’s shillelagh, or as you may know it, the stick he used to hit you with if you didn’t bring him his “angry juice” quick enough.
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March Madness →
First, a brief disclaimer. This post isn’t about basketball.
Disappointed?
I’m willing to bet that you are not half as disappointed as I was when I found out “March Madness” didn’t refer to the perennial return of the Laughing Sickness brought about by the thawing of stagnant marsh waters in the spring.
February 2012
2 posts
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Fatty Fat Fat Tuesday →
I made the horrible mistake of combining my Presidents’ Day celebration with Mardi Gras. Taft won the wet t-shirt competition.
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President's Day →
Nothing beats watching Harrison Ford beat up Gary Oldman playing a fanatical Communist bent on returning to the glory days of Stalin’s Soviet Union. Nothing beats that. Unless of course, you watch the movie while wearing a dapper top hat, cummerbund and bow tie.
January 2012
4 posts
The Full Story of What Happened to Angelo Bowers... →
eliolsberg:
I offered him a guest drop-in spot at next Tuesday’s Performance Anxiety and it was to be his last set before he left Los Angeles for a little while. A few hours later, Josh and Angelo were driving and they were struck by a drunk driver. Josh is in the hospital and Angelo is no longer with us.
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New Year →
It’s a new year, which means… well, alright. Let’s admit it. It basically means nothing, except that now we have to remember to write the new year on your checks. Who am I kidding? Does anyone still use checks?
Resolutions for the Apocalypse →
In case you missed it, here are my resolutions for the end of the world. It’s a little something to look forward to on your first day back to work. You can thank me by joining my army of desperate warriors.
Resolutions for the Apocalypse →
Here are some resolutions to help you survive and thrive in a post-apocalyptic world.
December 2011
17 posts
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New Year's Resignations →
Take this week to look back at the trail of broken promises and shattered hopes from 2010, before you foolishly start making new promises to yourself that you know you’ll never keep.
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Shopping →
It is rare in this country that the thin veneer of civilization, that precious and frail illusion that keeps us from acting on our more brutal and baser impulses, falls away.
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Exercise →
So, I’m something like four or five days behind my Advent blogging. I’m not going to bother catching up.
Disappointed?
Well, ‘tis the season. Nothing says Christmas like constant disappointment and a lingering sense that nothing, including yourself, will ever live up to your expectations, even though you’ve consistently and steadily lowered your expectations each year of...
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Compliments →
Look, I’ve got my fair share of issues, but I like to think that over the years, I’ve built up massive defenses of alternating layer of detached irony, arrogance and anger dealt with them. Like for instance, a conversation like this a few years ago would’ve stuck with me. It would’ve bounced around in my head, becoming louder and louder, like in an echo chamber. I...
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Angry Dance →
I have an angry dance. It happens when my heart fills so full of bilious hate that it overflows into the rest of my body and I begin to convulse rhythmically like some gyrating rage puppet.
1800s Professions
meganamram:
Salt-monger
Leech-milker
Fool
Longshortman
Blood-monger
Child bride
Phantom
Midhusband
Child-monger
Jew-monger
Monger-monger
Abraham Lincoln
John Wilkes Booth
Woman
Slave
JV slave
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Musical Interlude →
So, because the three lordlings won’t play ball with him, Jesus straight-up ices the fools. The God of love and forgiveness leads three children to their death because they didn’t want to play with someone beneath their station.
Megan Amram: Rejected Hallmark Cards →
meganamram:
BIRTHDAY
Front: Happy 78th birthday!
Inside: In America, the average life expectancy is 78 years and 5 months.
GET WELL SOON
Front: The word ”Ebola” sure sounds funny when you say it a lot!!! Ebola, Ebola, Ebola, Ebola, Ebola, Ebola, Ebola, Ebola, Ebola, Ebola, Ebola, Ebola,…
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Atheists Unbound →
I’d understand feeling empowered to express your beliefs if you grew up in a community that was openly hostile to them, but in Santa Monica (or Los Angeles) atheists haven’t ever been persecuted or constrained or otherwise oppressed. This city was founded on the principle of self-worship. We are a city on a hill, a shinning example of the cult of the ego. Even most believers are kind...
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Conquest, Part Two →
Like the inexorable march of these great conquerors, our tribute to them continues. Let us not squander any more of our precious mortal moments with trite prattle and delve straight to the matter that… well, matters.
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Conquest, Part One →
People throw the word “conquer” around far too loosely nowadays. Any old accomplishment can just be flippantly referred to as “conquering.” People “conquer” obstacles, anxieties and massive plates of food. But what about those great conquerors of history who actually conquered people. Nay, civilizations!
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War →
When I said Pearl Harbor, all of you thought of the movie first, didn’t you? Oh, truly this is Caligula’s Rome! No, worse! Even then, as the Romans were wiping their chins after visiting the vomitoriums to go back to eating obscene amounts of food off the asses of their finest prostitutes, they were thinking of the defeat of Hannibal or the mighty triumvirate of Caesar who conquered...
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Sketch →
My penance is complete… for now. And you get to watch a new video! We all win. Especially, God.
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Advent Blogging →
Hey guys! Read about my plan to disappoint my future self! Or, as some of you call it, “setting goals.”
November 2011
2 posts
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New Bit →
I’m pretty sure someone in the audience last night told me to kill a hobo.
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11/11/11 →
Last week Thursday, the date was November 11, 2011. For those of you who weren’t paying attention, that’s 11/11/11 — something that happens only once every one hundred years. This was something that got quite a few people excited, because people’s lives are actually that boring.
October 2011
4 posts
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An Intro To Cthulhu →
Here’s an introduction to Lovecraft’s famous monsters I wrote for AdultSwim.com. Enjoy!
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Peace At All Costs →
Sometimes Voyager actually seems more like a parody of Star Trek than an actual continuation of the franchise. One of the most egregious examples of this happened when Voyager introduced the most terrifying Star Trek villain to date.
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Zombie Apocalypse →
We have a name for those who don’t know what they will do when the proverbial shit hits the proverbial fan and people start turning into not-so-proverbial walking legions of flesh-munching corpses.
Chum!
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Islas, Forthcoming →
And, in the end, when whatever toxins I’ve imbibed in a desperate attempt to dull the steady sound of me disappointing myself have finally done me in, they will bury me under the floorboards, under the couch in the illegal addition to my dad’s house were I live, collecting bed sores and beer fat.
September 2011
7 posts
4 tags
Blown Off and Bikeless →
I live in a giant, sprawling city that was basically built in the fifties when they were practically giving away free cars and houses to everyone who fought in the war and their children. I have a bike and bus pass to navigate this post-suburban behemoth with its concrete tentacles that snake for miles in every direction. Getting from point A to point B can be an Odysseian feat… Bet you...
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Poll! →
I need to know what you guys think! Sort of…
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Generations
Grandparents’ generation: “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps!” Parents’ generation: “I guess it’s time to trade in these groovy, psychedelic bootstraps for something a bit more tight-laced.” Our generation: “Mom! Did you get me new bootstraps yet?! Jeez! Do I have to do everything myself?!”
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Warming Up →
Tomorrow, it is back to the factory floor for this industrious, Christian family. Back to school for the children? Nonsense! What schooling do seven-year-olds need? With their sturdy, youthful backs, those delightful scamps will go far! Perhaps, one day, they will be strong enough to haul coal from the bounty’ous Earth or even the wond’rous new mineral Polonium discovered by the...
August 2011
13 posts
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Canto I →
“Midway upon the journey of our life I found myself within a forest dark”
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Where No One Should Go... Ever →
I’ve been filling all of my free time recently with watching Star Trek. I’ve burned through all of the watchable Enterprise and now, I’m working on The Next Generation. For most normal people 178 hours of Star Trek would probably take them a few months to get through, but I have the viewing habits of a smack junkie, so I’ve watched a chunk of the first and second seasons...
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Super IAM8BIT: Old Games, New Art →
It’s hard not to get nostalgic thinking about the games we played as children. They are a welcome juxtaposition to the complications, and frequent public humiliations, of adult life. Then, as now, all we really needed to be happy was a clunky controller in our hands and a few bits of data on the screen in front of us. Questions of logic were irrelevant. Why is the giant lizard dude...
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Why Won't The World End Already? →
Things are looking up!
But, I’m still looking down, because my inspiration comes from that dark, yawning chasm beneath us that is silently and patiently waiting to swallow us up while we go about our merry lives.
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Another day. Another update. →
I submitted my article on the SUPER iam8bit art show last night around midnight. It will be up soon. Maybe tomorrow or maybe the day after. These things take time, you see. It’s not like you can just be put stuff up in a public forum instantly. We don’t have that kind of technology!
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Busy Week →
The biggest thing I’m doing this week is covering the I am 8 bit art show for none other than the premier adult cartoon website, adultswim.com. I don’t usually say positive things, but I’m enjoying this. Last night was the first night and, regardless of what you think about the theme of the art show, there was a lot of well-crafted works of art on display. And I got to talk to a...
